Ferrari owners everywhere can sleep better tonight. Thanks to the valiant support of his donors, #DoctorBeDancing has finally been able to realize his charitable vision: the Ferrari Relief Fund. For years, luxury sports car owners everywhere have suffered the insurmountable maintenance costs of owning cars worth more than houses. At last, #DoctorBeDancing emerged to instill hope in the masses and reaching tens of millions of people to bring attention to this problem. Thanks to the first $6000, his own Ferrari now has 3 brand new tires. #DoctorBeDancing hopes to raise another $4000 by October -- $2000 for his fourth new tire and the rest for an oil change for the end of convertible season. "I really want to show how a person can employ their individuality to better the community through the aesthetic value of aggressively brightly colored sports cars. That's what the real purpose of the project is... And [the Ferrari Relief Fund] doesn't just benefit Ferraris. Not everyone owns a Ferrari. The money will go to Aston Martins, McLarens and even Lamborghinis. It is intentionally varied to keep the focus on the idea, and not limit it to single sports car make. Some day, I hope that we can all wake up in a new Bugatti. That's my vision."
Today, undeniable evidence of scandal and deceit was released by an anonymous source on the internet regarding the formerly beloved #DoctorBeDancing. The pre-sliced deli sriracha chicken that was donated to the cause was, in fact, consumed by the diabolical doctor himself. It was clearly the intent of the donor that the food be directly donated to charities claimed on the website. Photos of #DoctorBeDancing were released showing him with the cock in his mouth. Given his recent announcement to run for US president, it is unclear how this will affect his campaign. #DoctorBeDancing has yet to release an official statement. One former dissident was heard saying, "I feel much better about a crook running for office. At least now I know I can't trust [#DoctorBeDancing]. Before, I wasn't sure how I should feel at all." As of this printing, the status of the fresh mozzarella cheese (which the same woman had donated to the cause) is unknown. The scandalous photos are printed below, however, please be advised, they are EXTREMELY graphic. Discretion is advised.
Bright and early this afternoon, #DoctorBeDancing decided to announce his presidential bid first thing after getting home from work and changing into this tie-dye pajamas. He strongly believes that he is "the only fathomable force ridiculous enough" to face off with Donald Trump in the 2016 US presidential election. When asked what qualifies him to be president, he quoted Trump's twitter feed "'[Trump] has made more $ than all of the other candidates combined. Trump knows how 2 make it', BUT has he done it by dancing on the streets?" An irrelevant point made quite articulately by this young, ambitious candidate who has satisfied thousands of donors on the streets and can, undoubtedly, satisfy America. "Furthermore, Trump and I are about the same skin tone," pointed out #DoctorBeDancing. "The only difference is I can't afford that much spray on tan, so I have to go outside and dance to get that color." At his announcement, many of his supporters expressed doubt at his ability to challenge Trump's reign. One onlooker was heard saying, "[#DoctorBeDancing] doesn't stand a chance. He didn't express any misogyny, racism or discrimination of any kind. Worse yet, I don't even think he verbally assaulted any decorated war heroes. He should probably just stay out of politics, and on the streets where he belongs." At the time of printing, the doctor was flirting with the idea of adding the word "real" to his twitter handle @DoctorBeDancing, to show he "really" meant business.